


Denial

by Peanut_Butter_writes



Series: The Stages of Grief [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, as a treat, authors can have a little projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 18:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19874410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanut_Butter_writes/pseuds/Peanut_Butter_writes
Summary: Formerly titled "I"m salty, here's the result"With some push from Stephen Strange, Bucky decides to tell Steve how he feels.Or: I have full confidence that if Bucky just grew a pair Steve wouldn’t have screwed with time to get some puss in the 40s.Part one of a five part series where I write my way through the stages of grief over Steve's ending in Endgame. None of the fics are set in the same universe.





	Denial

“What is it they say at weddings? ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’?”

Bucky startled and turned around to find Steven Strange sitting in his armchair with his feet up on the coffee table. Putting aside his bewilderment at Strange’s presence in favour of indignation, he scowled. “You could have knocked.”

Strange pretended not to hear him and continued, “Because you probably want to say something now before it’s too late.” 

Bucky didn’t move from his spot in the doorframe. He just gave Strange a glare he hoped came off as confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied. In truth, Bucky knew exactly what Strange was talking about. Or, if he didn’t, he couldn’t be too far off. When Bucky was Blipped back (as the news was calling the return of those who were snapped away by Thanos), he couldn’t tell that any time had passed. It had felt instantaneous. But five years had gone by, and when he went to greet Steve after the team defeated Thanos, it became clear that Steve had changed. Bucky didn’t know why, but he’d seemed more distant. He felt like he was losing his friend. 

That wasn’t the only problem. Bucky had known since he was a teenager that he was head-over-heels, tripping-over-his-own-feet, Hallmark-Valentine’s-Day-special, full-flaming-homo mad in love with Steve Rogers, but he had had to keep his feelings hidden. When he found Steve again, in the twenty-first century, where people could have such relationships openly without being arrested, he thought he might have a chance to tell Steve about his feelings for him. Unfortunately, shortly after that he had half of the Avengers trying to kill him and subsequently moved Wakanda to avoid them, which left had left him without much time with Steve. More than that, he had come to realize something new about himself: Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier, was really, _really_ bad at confrontations. In the few moments where Bucky could have brought up his feelings to Steve, his nerves had gotten the better of him and he’d quickly changed the subject. 

“Don’t give me that shit,” Strange barked at him, bringing him back to the present. He gave him a tired look and sighed. “Look, do you want a chance with Steve or not?” 

“How did you -” Bucky started, his blood going cold and his heart rate spiking. Neither his feelings for Steve nor his sexuality in general were public knowledge. Strange shushed him before he could finish his question. 

“Before Thanos snapped I used the Time Stone to look into the future and see what we would have to do to defeat him. I saw fourteen million six hundred and five different futures.” Strange got up from the armchair and conjured a trail of some sort of light through the air that diverged into innumerable paths. “We won in one. That is the future we are in now. But from that point, the future branches off again. 

“As Sorcerer Supreme, it is my job to make sure humanity is on the most peaceful path possible and safe from any major threats, like Thanos was. I knew that the Eye of Agamotto would be destroyed in this timeline, so I took the opportunity to look past the point where we defeat Thanos and identify anything else that might screw us over in the future. I found that in _multiple_ timelines, dear old Cap is going to be necessary in neutralizing those threats. Playing matchmaker for you two increases the chances of Cap being - well, I’ll say _in contact_ \- by almost seventy-seven percent.”

Bucky came over to look at the timeline illusion. Something that Strange has said didn’t quite seem right. “What do you mean by ‘ _in contact_ ’?” 

“If I tell you that percentage goes down.” 

“Mm,” Bucky grunted noncommittally. While he was trying to wrap his head around this new information, Strange continued speaking.

“Just so you know, I don’t ask this out of the goodness of my heart. I couldn’t care less, personally, no offence. I don’t tell you this as advice given by a friend, but because lives are at stake, and you can help save them. It’s-”

“Yeah, it’s your job. I know.”

“Yes.” Strange struck him with a pleading look. “It _is_ my job. But it’s your job now as well. I _need_ you to tell Steve about your feelings. Preferably as soon as possible. For the sake of the world.” 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll try.” 

.oOo.

Bucky steadied his breathing, steeled his nerves, and knocked on Steve’s door. When Steve answered, the first thing Bucky noticed was that he looked distressed and tired, almost like he was preoccupied with something, but he quickly hid whatever it was when he saw that it was him. “Bucky. Hi. What’s up?”

“I …” Bucky gulped. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” 

The stressed look creeped back up onto Steve’s face, which made Bucky nervous. “Yeah. Me too. Come in.” 

They sat down on Steve’s sofa. Bucky knew he should just buckle down and say it. He had prepared. Practiced in front of the mirror. He was ready. He was gonna do it. He’d do it now. Just say the damn thing. He - 

“You go first,” he said to Steve, already beating himself up about his own cowardice. Why was he like this? Explaining his feelings had never been this hard with other people. Why in hell was it different with Steve? Steve, who he had always shared everything with? 

“Yeah. Okay.” Steve exhaled quickly, like he was psyching himself up. “The others want me to take the Infinity Stones back to where they were.” 

“Okay.”

“I … I’m thinking about maybe finding Peggy and trying to build a life with her. There. In the past, I mean.”

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. _No. This is all wrong._ Now he knew what Strange had meant by ‘ _in contact_ ’, and why Steve was being distant, but he had never expected this to be the reason. Everything was spinning. He couldn’t think. With a few words his entire life, everything that was keeping him sane in this crazy new world was crumbling and breaking before his eyes. It kept repeating in his head. _Finding Peggy and trying to build a life with her. Finding Peggy. Build a life with her. In the past._ He was nauseous. His best friend was going somewhere he couldn’t follow. He was leaving him. And how could Bucky ever even think that it was anyone’s fault but his own? He’d never confessed his feelings to Steve. He’d been gone for five years. It was reasonable to assume that Steve would have moved on from their friendship and let him go. Who would he be, to keep Steve from finding happiness with Peggy? A shitty one. He had been ready to finally confront his emotions, and now he might never have the chance to. 

That is, if he didn’t do something very, very soon.

A small voice inside was saying, _You can still save this_. He wondered how selfish that voice would sound to someone else. Another was saying, _Strange is counting on you_. That voice - that was the one that made up his mind. 

Something in his face must have shown his roiling emotions, because Steve looked concerned and he put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Buck? Are you feeling alrigh- ”

Steve didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because Bucky leaned forward and their lips met in a kiss. Not a soft or chaste kiss, but the kiss of a desperate man who had waited almost ninety years for this moment, never knowing if or when it was going to happen and almost losing his chance to take it. It was long and passionate, everything he had ever imagined it to be. Steve’s lips were soft and pliable, so easy to open. His hand was around the back of Steve’s head, running through his hair, holding him in place, deepening the kiss, and - 

_What was he doing?_ Steve had just confessed that he was still in love with Peggy Carter, and Bucky’s reaction was to kiss him? What kind of idiot move was that? They had limited time, and now any of that time they spent together would be tainted by his greedy mistake. What sort of friend was he? How could he do this to Steve’s conscience? How could he do this to himself? Taking a taste of what he could have had but would never have? He broke away from Steve. Too scared of what Steve’s reaction would be to speak (and, if he was being honest, still reeling from the kiss), he said nothing and stared at the floor. 

Steve licked his lips, also looking at the floor. For a few petrified heartbeats that surely felt longer than they actually were, he was silent. Then he let out a soft laugh. “That was … not what I expected when you said you wanted to talk.” He flashed Bucky a smile. “How long have you wanted to do that?” 

Bucky gulped. “Since we were teenagers,” he whispered hoarsely. He still couldn’t meet Steve’s eyes. 

“Bucky. Look at me.” Steve moved his hand to Bucky’s face and gently pushed his chin up until their gazes met, and, much to Bucky’s surprise and delight, caressed his cheek with his thumb before pulling him in for another kiss, this one softer and sweeter. When they broke apart for the second time, Steve kept his hand on Bucky’s face and their foreheads touching. “You can forget what I said about going back. You’re my best friend, but I never thought that you would feel the same way I did. I … didn’t think I could live if I would have to look at you and know that I would never be with you like this. And I thought that my only option was to remove myself from the situation and make a life with the only other person I’ve ever loved, but,” he took both of Bucky’s hands in his, “now I don’t have to.” 

Bucky, now with a huge smile, leaned forward and buried his face in Steve’s neck. He was utterly relieved. This was going to be alright. He wasn’t quite sure how, but he knew it was going to work out. _Steve was staying. Steve wanted to be with Bucky._ “Oh, God,” he laughed. “All this time we’ve wasted.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve mumbled into his ear, and Bucky let out a content sigh. “We have time now.” 

.oOo.

After Tony’s funeral, Steve took the Infinity Stones and returned them to where they belonged in time. 

Bucky had no idea how long Steve spent at various points in the past. For him, it was only five seconds. When Steve materialized in front of him again, Bucky wasn’t surprised. He knew Steve would come back to him.


End file.
